The Dark Side of Estate Planning: Who Decides What Happens to Your Body?

Our family is dressing up as Star Wars characters for Halloween, and I have been reading Smoke Gets in Your Eyes: And Other Lessons from the Crematory by Caitlin Doughty. Apparently, October is bringing out my interest in the dark side.

As an estate planning attorney, death is already part of my work. But there is a question that can get overshadowed by discussions about trusts, beneficiaries, and who inherits the house:

What do you want to happen to your body when you die?

It can feel uncomfortable to answer. You might have a strong preference, a family tradition you have never questioned, or no idea what your options are. Wherever you are starting, this conversation belongs in your estate plan.

Because someone will have to make these decisions. Planning now gives that person something better than a guess.

You choose—or someone else will have to

Imagine that you want cremation, but your family expects burial in the family cemetery. Or you want a simple goodbye, while your relatives believe a large funeral is the appropriate way to honor you.

Everyone may be acting out of love. They still may disagree.

In California, when there are no controlling written directions, the law establishes who has authority over disposition. An appropriately authorized health care agent generally comes first, followed by a spouse or registered domestic partner, adult children, parents, and other relatives in the statutory order. There are additional rules and exceptions, including rules when several relatives share authority.[1][2]

Your trustee, best friend, or unmarried partner does not automatically get that authority simply because you trust them most.

That is why planning should address three things: your instructions, the person authorized to act, and how the arrangements will be paid for. California gives particular protection to clear written directions when qualifying payment arrangements have been made. A casual conversation alone does not provide the same protection.[1]

What are your options?

There is no single choice that fits everyone. Your beliefs, budget, location, and preferences all matter.

Conventional burial

Burial may appeal to people who value religious or cultural traditions, a family cemetery, or a permanent place loved ones can visit. Decisions include the cemetery, burial space, casket, marker, and any cemetery requirements.

Ask what is included in the price and which requirements come from the cemetery or provider. Do not assume every familiar funeral practice is legally required.

Cremation

Flame cremation uses high heat to reduce the body to bone fragments, which are processed into the remains commonly called ashes.[3]

But “I want to be cremated” leaves several decisions unanswered. Do you want your remains buried, placed in a cemetery niche, kept by someone, or scattered? Should they stay together or be divided? Do you want a permanent memorial?

If you want scattering, identify the location and check the rules. In California, scattering on land requires written permission from the property owner or governing agency and compliance with applicable restrictions.[1] A meaningful place is not automatically a permitted place.

Natural or green burial

Natural burial generally emphasizes allowing the body to decompose naturally, using a biodegradable casket or shroud, and avoiding conventional embalming and burial vaults. It is a return to longstanding burial practices, rather than an entirely new idea.[4]

If this interests you, investigate a cemetery that accommodates it. Ask about body preparation, containers, grave markers, and how loved ones can locate or visit the burial site.

Alkaline hydrolysis, sometimes called aquamation

This process uses water, alkaline chemicals, and heat to break down the body’s soft tissues. The remaining bones are processed, and the resulting remains can be returned to the family.[5]

California permits licensed hydrolysis facilities, but legal authorization does not mean a provider is available nearby.[6] Check actual availability and transportation arrangements before making it your first choice.

Natural organic reduction, sometimes called human composting

Natural organic reduction uses a controlled process to transform human remains into soil-like material. It is different from natural burial.[3]

For California readers, timing matters: the state’s framework for this option begins January 1, 2027. This is an upcoming California option as of October 2026, and provider availability will need to be confirmed.[3]

Donation for medical education or research

Whole-body donation is another possibility to explore, and it is separate from organ and tissue donation. Contact the specific program to understand registration, acceptance criteria, transportation, and what happens to the remains afterward.

Have a backup plan. A program may decline a donation, and your family will still need to know what to do. UC Davis, for example, explains that its program does not arrange disposition for declined donors.[7]

How did cremation become so common?

Modern cremation has been practiced in the United States since the first modern American crematory opened in 1876. Yet the national cremation rate was only about 5% in 1973. By 2016, it had exceeded 50%.[8]

The National Funeral Directors Association projected a U.S. cremation rate of 63.4% for 2025.[9] That figure is a projection, but it illustrates how much the landscape has changed.

The takeaway for planning is that the familiar choice in your family may not be the only choice available to you. It is reasonable to learn about your options before deciding.

Questions to ask yourself

You do not need every answer today. Start with what matters most:

What religious or spiritual beliefs do I want honored? Consider requirements around burial, cremation, body preparation, timing, and treatment of remains. Speak with a trusted religious leader if you need guidance.
Which family or cultural traditions matter to me? Which do I want to continue, change, or decline?
What environmental considerations matter to me? Ask providers about their actual practices rather than relying only on labels.
Where do I want my body or remains to be? Near family, in a specific cemetery, or somewhere else? Would transportation be necessary?
Do I want loved ones to have a place to visit? A permanent resting place or memorial may matter to you, to them, or both.
What kind of goodbye do I want? A religious service, viewing, private gathering, celebration of life, or something else?
Are there special wishes? Clothing, music, readings, rituals, or people you want involved?
What do I definitely not want? Clear limits can be as helpful as preferences.
Who will respect my wishes if someone disagrees? Choose someone willing and able to act, and consider an alternate.
What is realistic financially? Identify a budget and a workable source of payment.
What is my backup choice? Your preferred option may be unavailable when it is needed.
Which details can my loved ones decide? Give them flexibility where you are comfortable doing so.

Your body and your goodbye are separate decisions

Choosing cremation does not mean you cannot have a funeral. Choosing burial does not require a particular style of gathering. Think separately about the disposition of your body and the way you would like people to remember you.

You can be specific about what matters deeply while leaving room for your loved ones to gather and grieve in their own way.

If you truly have no preference about disposition, that is useful information too. You can say so, choose the person you want making the decision, and give them a budget or other boundaries.

Make the plan accessible

Discuss your wishes with the person you are choosing. Work with your estate planning attorney to coordinate written instructions, your advance health care directive, and payment arrangements. If you have already made funeral or cemetery arrangements, include those details.

Then make sure the people who need the documents can find them promptly. A plan that nobody knows about is difficult to carry out.

Talking about death can feel heavy. But it can also be a practical act of love: giving the people who survive you fewer unanswered questions at a time when they are already carrying a great deal.

This October, consider having one conversation you have been putting off. You do not need to settle every detail. Start by telling someone what matters to you.

Want to make these wishes part of your estate plan? Schedule a 15-minute consultation with Shipp Trusts:

This article is a service of Kimberly Shipp, Attorney at Law, a Personal Family Lawyer® Firm. We don’t just draft documents; we ensure you make informed and empowered decisions about life and death, for yourself and the people you love. That’s why we offer a Life & Legacy Planning Session, during which you will get more financially organized than you’ve ever been before and make all the best choices for the people you love. You can begin by calling our office today to schedule a Life & Legacy Planning Session.

This article provides general information about California estate planning and is not legal advice for your individual circumstances. Options and provider availability can change.

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